2017’s Epic Out-of-Office Message

As those who email me know, I like to have fun with the out-of-office message at least once a year when I head out on vacation. It’s school break for the kids, so off we go…and here is the 2017 edition.

Ha ha! You’ve fallen victim to one of the classic blunders…the most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”…but only slightly less well known is “never match emails with a Riskalyzer when vacation is on the line!”

I know it’s INCONCEIVABLE, but I have indeed departed my native kingdom for a week of vacation with my fair maiden, the princess and the two princes. “We’ll never survive!” said the fair maiden. “Nonsense,” I said. “You’re only saying that because no one has.”

To increase our chances, we asked the court jester (my sister-in-law) to join us. She keeps asking where her true love is, and I keep telling her “look, I’ve hired you to start a war…it’s a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.”

If your matter is urgent, you can contact Micaela Pope at ___. She works for me to pay the bills, because there isn’t much money in revenge. And trust me, you’re no match for her brains. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? MORONS.

But have no fear. On Monday, February 27, I will return to the kingdom. And at such time, I will draw my sword, wave it at my inbox and say “my name is Aaron Klein…you killed my vacation…prepare to die.”